The Curse of Plurality

What is my heart? What is my mind?
O reckless injustice! How powerful you are...
The bond of corruption, of indebted favors
The power of obligated allegiance, of inherited evil
What strength there is in lies and deception
The modification of one heart is all that I ask of thee
Perhaps one will topple the hierarchy of hatred
Have you no sympathy? Have you humanity?
Upon your fingertips all else is determined
Yet your irresponsibility renders you incapable
Am I to join the pantheon of evildoers?
Where am I to stand and preserve?

What is my heart? What is my mind?
Have you no sense lost clan?
For how long can you run in circles?
How long can you question all that surrounds you
Yet still not know truth? Must you be fed?
How am I to tell thee and when? Is it my duty?
Where is the ground of commonality? Of similarity?
How am I to share if there is no ear to hear?

What is my heart? What is my mind?
How dare you think you are welcome....
Sickness, poverty, pain, death is all that you bring
How may I help you? What more can one man do?
How am I to handle all that you bring to the table?
The weight of your curse is too much
I am overwhelmed, yet love and kindess prevail, but how?

Where is my heart?......

Almost....

Yet again I find myself left empty. Time after time the hole is filled with faulty aspirations and unfulfilled promises, and every time I try to fill it with solid rock I find that the rock gets old because I'm too fake to delve deep. I'm tired of justification, metaphysical realism, platonic logic, and natural selection bull.........I need to be called. I want something to fight for.....to die for. What happened to chivalry? to selflessness? Why does the best man have to finish last? Why can I be seen as someone so great yet die a failure? The system is jacked.......

It's not like you said it'd be, not even close. The day hasn't come and the future doesn't look too promising. I'm left with nothing, solely that which was promised since before I saw light. I know what I need, but I don't/can't get it. Not because I do not try, but because I feel that I've felt it before and know already its capability. How can I be sure it'll be more this time? How do I know for sure that it's not faulty. What's my justification? What is my faith?.....Where is my faith?

I'm out of thoughts......